Uncontrollable _ I need to change

Its Sunday evening and I find myself at half past 10pm crying uncontrollably. Something is wrong. I have not been living up to my potential and have not been living the life I was meant to live. I'll say it for myself and for everyone out there- which at this point is Melissa Mangold. (I love you girl- thank for reading) I've suffered my whole life from depression- not just the general malaise kind but the "what the !@#$ are you doing" kind. Why do I have such self-loathing? It's not always there you know- sometimes I am confident and free and focused. But not today. I have felt over the last couple of weeks an itch-a heat - an unsettling fear of going too fast in the wrong direction. What am I so afraid of? Will I get to the bottom of this? I think I will and I think I will begin living my authentic life. I just need to trust!